They came to convince me...

and it was all too much for anna.. who's head was spinning with colours & illustrations...

need to kick this n get creative...

What do u mean what do i mean?

Chocolate sundaes and chips.. yum!!

.. need to somehow conjure up $400 by Monday, or father will murder me.. hmmm! now this is a serious dilemma .. now now
theres no need to dwell on my current unemployment.. or my even more depressing lack of motivation to seek employment bcoz I'm scared out of my head that no one will hire me.. sheesh pathetic !!

Tomorrow i get to play mum with my gorgeous niece miss rose and chill with Thomas the tank engine.. stimulating but i can indulge in my sick fantasy of being simple and getting married having children and living in the suburbs..
please take note- its a SICK fantasy OK.. i need more from life.. if i have to settle down now... OMG i cant think of anything more.... dissatisfying.. brain numbing,, depressing..unfulfilled ...

"Well then Miss Anna.. What do u want?"

.....funny i dont even know how to start answering that question...

& while we r here... are you gonna cash in on that refund or not??

Latin

Want to get a tattoo.. on my wrist... the initials of my love lost... and then forever and ever in latin underneath it... still undecided about actually having it done but i got my design pretty much sorted... maybe once ive been working for a bit.. ill risk it then..

PER OMNIA SAECULA SAECULORUM
FOREVER AND EVER

ahh but u see then a little google search gave me this...
The Latin translation of "Forever and Always” is:

-“In aeternum et semper”(literal)
or simply:
-“In aeternum”
which means exactly “Forever and Always” as well as “Forever and ever”.

_________________________________
Forever= IN AETERNUM
And= ET
Always = SEMPER


all of u non existent followers if any of u is a latin master then.. help me out-

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love will Tear us Apart....

ok so i'm 24... turning 25 in about 6 mnths.. and so not where i expected to be at this stage in my life.. but wat can u do? nothing really just try and change your life... and be happy with wat u got.. besides its not like im a no hoper loser... my whole world stopped about 3 yrs ago.. and its only just starting to spin again..so forgive me..
anyways.. so i'm Anna i lost my one and only love who has not been awarded a name yet.. (coz i cant think of a good one yet)
i got together with his brother.. Cassio.. which is now a relationship im aware i shouldnt have established and am gently trying to ease out of it.. though am still holding onto it in a sense..
and im in love with Taszar..n the reminder of my love lost.. and everything i want.. but prob. shouldnt have.. becoz he is not only just a baby.. 18
but .. i should chill from the boys for a while dont u think??
well why wont the boys let me??

the whole point of this post was to winge about marriage and the fact that Cassio is trying to force me into marrying him.. when quiet clearly im not ready..
if this blog is anything to go by at least..
but now im too full of too many emotions and thoughts.. that im exhausted and has lost the energy to continue with my harping on about dreaded marriage

Srsly HOT!!

Daaammmnnn... Seriously hot!!.. ok so i'm female.. im straight.. i wouldnt say no to a raunchy session with some hot girls dont get me wrong im open minded and have some pretty general fantasies.. but this image isnt up here for sexuality.. its here bcoz it still hold that element of class and mystery..
its not a "dirty" image.. its a beautiful image.. its composition.. the model and her beauty.. elegance..
i like to just ramble out words if u havent noticed..
anyway just enjoy the beauty of form in this image and maybe it will encourage the beauty of thought..
or jus turn u on.. ill admit to its high erotic factor ok ok!! sheesh...
ddaaaaammmnnnnnn .. sorry but im a bit hot now

a la a la a lalalalalalala a LAAA!!

I can't stand you..
I just love you..
I got something to give you but..
I don't want to..
The one I wanna be close to but..
I can't touch you..
coz I can see you but..
I can't see good coz
You keep me cryin...

Anna & Taszar.. Day Dreams..

Anna was excited to see him.. she looked hot.. and she knew it, all for it.

They'd been seeing each other for a few mnths now.. things had been getting serious even though she was still tangled up in a complicated relationship.. He was everything she had been looking for and everything she had already lost.. almost three years ago.

Only there was a catch..Is'nt there always??
You mean something other than the fact that she is leading on 2 men,,,
well yeh thats just it.. anna has become wat she never wanted.. a cheater.. dishonest.. and so confused... oh yeh did i mention.. he's 6 years younger than her.. not that astounding u may think... but he's just graduated highschool and shes just graduated university... if only it was a few years later... sigh

Anyway the party started an hour ago and Anna knew he was already there.. for it was his cousins party.. Anna intended to arrive late as usual.. in order to make the most impact on him.. and that troublemaker candy who's been chasing after him for a while now..
Anna had been daydreaming it out for a while now.. she would walk in on candy and Taszar kissing in his cousins bedroom.. Anna the epitome of class would scoff.. and then politely say " oh dont mind me jus grabbing my things" to which Taszar would push candy back in shock & disgust and say
"Anna no, please wait, i need to talk to u"
"Wats there to talk about?"
'please anna dont be like that... im sorry please dont leave.."
sigh.." look i know that obviously im not exactly entitled to be jealous or anything as we arent exactly official or "seeing" each other .... but wat is it? are u just keeping ur options open? or are u actually playing games? just be honest..."
"no u know how i feel about u anna.."
anna looks at him with one eyebrow arched..
" i love u.. im in love with.. i have been since the first day i met u.. your amazing.. your everything i could ever want in a women and here u are...i still cant believe it.. which is why im so reluctant to move things forward.."
'its not that i want things to move forward taszar.. i just want honesty.. iv been falling for u for so long now and fast... im still all mixed up with ending things with Cassio .. I love you too Taszar but i want things to go slow we havnt even talked about this kind of stuff much.."
" i know .. its just that we r both wary i guess.."
" thats fine.. wary is all very well and good but i continue this with u if ur going to play around with me.. "
" i swear to u anna.. that with candy was nothing.. u know im not interested in her.."
"so wat.. r u keeping ur options open?? i dont want u guys to not be friends or watever but come on.. shes gotta get the message"
"i know.. i gotta be more forceful i spose..."
they fell into each others arms kissing and murming i love yous.. completely obvlious to Candy who was still in the room.. having heard everything..

Victory..

funny tho... how it really panned out...
Anna and taszar flirted all night.. enjoying their secret little romance and private jokes,, candy floated around in the background trying to get noticed.. everyone was completley unaware of anna and taszar's secret fling which had been ongoing for a few months now..
later..
Anna is sitting in the same bedroom in which she had been daydreaming the earlier little senario...
taszar appeared...
they are sitting next to each other.. close.. touching but casually... so as not to raise suspicion.. there are other people in the room...
time passes..
peopple come in and out
at last... they are alon in the room.. guests are just outside the room distracted...
taszar slyly pushes the door shut..
takes anna's face in his hands and kisses her.. the kiss passionatly.. but not for long..
the door bursts open and anna and taszar pull apart..the intruder.. Samantha.. she's seen it all... it all happens quickly but when anna looks up and out the door way she stares right into candy's eyes.. who looks completly shocked..
samantha aware that she has been the cause of an awkward moment leaves suddenly closing the door behind her..
anna turns to taszar
" candy jus saw everything.."
"this is ur fault" jokingly..
"mine?? ha .. your the one who closed the door"
"yeh well if u werent so u...." taszar trails off... the door opens again and a crowd of people burst in.. anna distracts herself with the newcomers... out the side of her eye she see's candy approach taszar " can we talk please"..
he looks at anna kinda like .. oh F@%!.. and nods.. they leave the room..
taszars cousin approaches..
"i heard about u and taszar..."
anna looks at him , kinda guilty.. " um oops" gives a little grin
he bends down and kisses her cheek and whispers.." its ok, i still love you.."
and then leaves with his girlfriend..
anna continues to distract herself even tho shes trying to imagine wat taszar and candy are talking about...
eventually she calls him..
" having some dramas??"
"yes... well no... well yes actually.., im coming back inside soon"
"ok just that i was gonna bail soon"
"ok wait up"
"ok"
they reappear some 2o minutes later...
anna stands up and announces her departure .. taszar stands with her, they say their good byes..
candy stares.. and no fake nicities are exchanged between the girls.. in fact nothing at all..
taszar tells anna everything.. how candy thought they were together.. and felt cheated on.. how he told her he wasnt interested.. how she blamed anna.. how he defended anna..
she stayed with him that night...and other nights after that...
still it worked in anna's favour
but completly different to her original day dream...
its funny how things pan out dont u think?

Anna & Taszar to be continued.. you see becoz they are still enjoying each other and taking things slow.. and Anna? well she's all messed up isnt she..

Day Dream.. I fell asleep beneath the flowers
for a couple hours
what a beautiful day..
Day Dream.. I dream of you beneath the flowers
for a couple of hours
such a beautiful day...

Dont Sue

ok dont sue me!!.. to all the amazing designers out there.. i post images of your work becoz i love it.. it inspires me.. and i want to inspire the world.. sorry sometimes i may not always give direct credit to your work specifically.. but i promise i will mention u as this blog grows.. becoz u see.. your wat drives me to become a better designer.. to THINK... so if u see you work on here.. rest assured.. im not trying to steal ur stuff or claim credit... im just loving u and wat u do...
so dont sue me ok
and peeps out there.. non exsistant followers to this blog... not EVERYTHING i post visually will be mine.. oki?

sorted..

Dear Diary.. Wat a day its been...

Dear Blog,
I originally established you for many reasons.. some being of which..

to write about life in a philosophical manner..
explore my creativity
a dear friend mentioned that im crazy enough
to create an interestingly enough blog..
question life.. push my intellect... get some semi decent book writing material :)

its all a bit daunting my dear blog.. i'm depressed and confused and scared.. discovering myself through you is a daunting task.. especially when one is reluctant to face some of the truths she has been ignoring..

i just wanna be amazing and good and wise.. live a full life!! dont want anyone to hold me back and i dont want him to be disapointed in me.. becoz lets be honest here im kinda disapointed in myself for being the kind of woman i never wanted to be.. weak.. dependant.. confused.. while im fronting that really im strong and confindent and wise!!

ok blog im a bit melancholic now.. so i shall try to achieve more of my goals through you.. but give me time.. i may take things slow you see.. and you'll jus have to settle for the aesthetic i'll be aiming to provide until the real substance seeps thru.. becoz if im worth it, you'll stick around to find out wont you?

Oh my..

Phantoms!!
Whenever I think I fully understand mankinds purpose on earth, just when i foolishly imagine that I have seized upon the meaning of life...
Suddenly I see phantoms dancing the shadows, Mysterious phantoms performing a gavotte that says, as pointedly as words, "What you know is nothing, little man; what you have to learn, immense".

- Charles Dickens..

Inspiration behind words.. means???

Mass confusion
In my head
Killing me
Driving me mad
Got me wondering..
Can i trust my friends?
Coz they sticking me in my back
every chance they get
Am I paranoid??
and if thats the case
is it curable?
can u help me find my place?
I can't handle this..
I'm losing it..
With a loose grip I'm hanging onto
emptiness....
Help your brother..
save him from the...
evil demons...
in between us..

in between us....

How can i make this good??

Sigh... how can i make this good??
i dunno

i miss him dearly-
so much so

why do i always fall for the complicated ones... and dont call me selfish
but sheesh ... NOT having a relationship would be quiet nice for once
or do i sound like one of those poor me poor little rich girls??

perhaps

anyway dont know how to make this truely interesting but alas... i shall jus make it like a digital diary.. butn more like one of my art diary rather than a "dear diary " senario..

until next time

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Bluebirds in our hearts...long lost loves.. & deepest desire for the ones we cant have... sigh

Theres a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out..
But i'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there..
I'm not going to let anybody see you...

Theres a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out..
But i pour whiskey on him & inhale cigarette smoke &
the whores & bartenders & the grocery clerks
never know he's in there..

Theres a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out..
But I'm too tough for him,
I say, Stay down..
Do you want to mess me up??
Do you want to screw up the works??
Do you want to blow my book sales in Europe??

Theres a bluebird in my hear that wants to get out..
But I'm too clever
I only let him out at night sometimes
when everybody is asleep..
I say, I know your in there
so dont be sad..
then i put him back,
but he's singing a little in there,
i havent quiet let him die
& we sleep together like that
with our secret pact
& its nice enough to make a man weep,
but I dont weep,
do you????



-charles bukawski (or something of the like...)

I adore this poem...
i love bluebirds.. their beauty.. their symbolism
...
their FREEDOM
damn how i need some freedom
i mean i tried to break up with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years but its a terrifying expierence... ok in truth im fukd!! excuse my french - but i am ... im being the person iv never wanted to ever be.. im struggling to be honest.. im terrified of the cosequences..
im in love with a guy who is amazing but so so young
too young..
but perfect.. or am i jus pining after my one lost...
will i ever get over him? no i dont think i ever will..
will i ever let go of him?? of his memory??.. again i dont know its been nearly three yrs and it still feels all too raw
how can u ever get over the one
especially when they r dead


Jr (alter ego for the younger guy who im madly in love with)
Jr is perfect but so much like him..
so similar to him.. freaky but i think they even share birthdays
so its... similar family situation
same nationality
same
same
same
same
too much
omg this is too much... must pour my heart out another day bcoz im getting all emo (emotional)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
much love non exsistant followers

im goofy?? yet brilliant!! lets focus on the brilliant side of me everyone..btw did u know? I'm a Leo

***Your Personality is Very Rare (INTP)***


Your personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant.

Only about 4% of all people have your personality, including 2% of all women and 6% of all men
You are Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving.


How Rare Is Your Personality?
http://www.blogthings.com/howrareisyourpersonalityquiz/

ahh well that explain why i get on with men better than i do women..
obviously my rather rare personality which is more common in males than females has enabled me to form some sort of special bond with the male species.. how fortunate for lil ol me
lol
crackhead!!!


some green for my one and only tru love.. my man
xooxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo

one more thing...

i heart pretty pictures..
but who doesnt right??
one thing im good for .. is making pretty pictures lol
so if anything stick around coz this is my in early establishment of my artistic career
soon ill have a website which will sell all my work
so this is for beginners oki?
ciao bella/bello
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo

My First Ever Blog!!

ok who knows if anyone is ever going to read this... bcoz i dont really intend to advertise to all my friends.. much rather keep things private thank-u.
though wat is private about posting ur life online??
anyway here's how it is.. im 24.. a designer.. hunting for knowledge,wisdom and philosophy... and creativity, oh & im a woman.. whos getting old eeekk!!1
to the non existant peeps out there who wont be reading this... dont worrry my dear u will get to know more about me as time goes on.. thats the whole point right..
anyway my randomness factor is quiet low at the moment due to the late hour so
i shall check bak soon...
nothing else to add really except that my cat has fleas.. grrrr